2-7-15, Letters to No One

By Kathryn Hasson

4016994540_0118492f07_o

“Getting the Brush Off” © Pete (https://www.flickr.com/photos/comedynose/4016994540/)

2-7-15

You can do this
You are the one who reaches up and hangs the moon in the sky every night
You are the one who takes her own paintbrush and dots the stars in the pitch-black night without fail
You make the sun set and then you pull it up again in the morning because you are stronger than the rest
You pick up your paintbrush again and paint on your own face this time instead of the endless canvas of morning or twilight
Not stars this time
Not stars or galaxies or the pinks and purples of sunrise or the whites of glowing airplane lights in the sky
Not stars, but smiles; fake, plastered, painted smiles that are so upkeeping of normalcy and expected appearances that they could have been the most famous masterpieces of the great masters
And sometimes the paintbrush isn’t enough and you pick up a razor and paint with that instead, using your skin as a canvas and carving away until your cathartic sketch is done for a while at least, and that’s okay because the thing about strong people is that
Sometimes they are mansions on rocky foundations;
Sometimes they have cracks and dents and scars and they need to be repaired but not fixed,
repaired but not fixed
They are not entirely broken
You are not broken; you are capable
You can do this

Letters to No One

Because it’s 12:00 am and the stars outside are beautiful
They’re freaking amazing
And I can’t sleep, because it’s 12:00 am and the stars are beautiful and I’m me so I just want to go outside and stare at them until my fingers are numb and my neck is paralyzed but all I can think is “it’s worth it”

(I miss you I’m doing it I’m allowing myself to miss you I really am)

The stars are beautiful, and I want to tell you about it
I can’t sleep, and I want to tell you about it
I’m better and worse at the same time, and I want to tell you about it

I can’t sleep and I can’t talk to you
I can’t talk to you so
my mind writes letters on an empty page to an unknown recipient and I wish I could tell you about it, about something, anything

I miss the idea of you like crazy

I miss having someone I could talk to about anything (an empty page)
I miss having someone to distract me when the world was falling down around me and I just wanted to let myself be crushed (an empty page and)
I miss having someone I could text at 2:00 am and talk about life and death and secrets and good and bad and writing and everything and nothing (an empty page and an unknown recipient)

I miss you because I have nothing else to miss and no one who could replace you
It’s not the same
I can’t text you and say “can we talk like nothing’s happened because I really need to talk to someone and you’re the only one left” because it’s not the same, it’s never going to be the same and I have to remind myself of that daily or else I’d slip

It’s 12:00 am and the stars are beautiful
And I want to sleep, but I can’t
So I’ll just sit here
And keep writing letters to no one


KathrynHassonKathryn Hasson is 14 years old and lives in Northern California. She loves singing, writing, and acting, and is currently a freshman in high school. This is her first published work.

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  1. […] read a very meaningful poem at http://www.yareview.net by a 14 year old girl who, judging by her two published poems, could pretty much be my twin. One of […]

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