torn from the back of my probstat notebook, Parental Ideologies, & kids

To close National Poetry Month, we have 3 poems by high school freakin’ freshman Jacob Beardsley. The same week we publish Ellen Hopkins. That’s YARN in a nutshell. Enjoy, and thanks for reading!

torn from the back of my probstat notebook

Image © Dylan Tweney (

Image © Dylan Tweney (

2000    two thousand students
/2        divided by
↓         two genders
1000    divided by
/2        two grades that I
↓         would consider dating
500      times the odds that
x.05     a guy is
↓         a guy-who-likes-guys
25       (remembering to
-1        subtract
↓         myself)
24       multiply by
x.1      the odds that
↓         Mr. guy-who-likes guys
2.4      is not an asshole, and is
x.01     my type
↓         times
.024    my luck
x  0     equals
↓         zero.

Parental Ideologies

I think that
if I
was ever a parent,
then I
would punish my children
for using soft
of curse words.


Loved kids.
Had kids.
Kids suck.

photo 2-1Jacob Beardsley is a fourteen-year-old who lives in Virginia Beach, Virginia, and does not have a boyfriend. He is a freshman at Tallwood High School, and once he graduates he plans to major in English and pursue a career as a novelist.

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2 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Fatima says:

    Haha, “torn from the back of my probstat notebook” is basically the gay high schooler’s anthem.
    – a girl-who-likes-girls

  2. Austin Hutchins says:

    YES! Knowing Jacob in real life, this is AMAZING!

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